Jokes

Jokes


Page 7

441 A mother & daughter go out looking for Barbie Dolls, but can't find any prices in the shop, so they ask an assistant to help. "This is Single Barbie, she cost £20, and this is Married Barbie, she costs £40, and this one is Divorced Barbie, she costs £250", says the assistant. "Why so much for the Divorced Barbie?" ask the mother. "Well, with the Divorced Barbie" says the assistant "You get the House, the Car, the Children......"

442 Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? . . . . I hear the food is great, but the atmosphere is lousy.

443 A newly married man asks his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Darling," the woman replies sweetly, "I'd have married you no matter who left a you a fortune."

444 Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him what?

A super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

445 Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?" The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me." The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."

446 James wanted to start a new hobby, and he decides he's going to learn a new flying sport. So he invites his friends to come and watch. He takes them to the top of a cliff, and produces three bird cages ­‐ one containing a budgerigar, the second containing a chicken, and the third a parrot. "What *are* you up to?" asked one of his friends. "Well," said James, "I couldn't decide between budgie­‐jumping, hen­‐gliding or parrot­‐ shooting.... so I thought I'd try all three."

447 He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' And I thought 'That's a turn­‐up for the books.'

448 A piece of string walks into a pub and asks for a pint. The barkeep says "Get out. We don't serve pieces of string here." The piece of string goes around the corner, ties a knot in his middle and unravels his ends. It goes back into the bar and again asks for a pint. The barkeep says "Are you the same piece of string that was in here a minute ago?" The piece of string says "I'm a frayed knot."

449 World's best oxymoron: Windows Operating System

450 Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face. "Why are you rubbing cold cream on you face, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother. A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"