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411 It's a hot day, and everyone is on the beach. And it's strange, because everyone has bought an ice­‐cream cone, and is feeding the sea­‐gulls with it; two gulls to each person. So I went bought an ice­‐cream, and straight away the gulls came down to steal it. So of course I chased them away, but they kept on coming, and then this old man wonders over in my direction. He's got an ice­‐cream, and two gulls eating it. And he says: "You'll never stop them, so do what everyone else is doing: relax, enjoy yourself, and let the gulls have the ice­‐cream....." "Why?" I asked. "Because," he said, "that way you'll be chilling two birds with one cone." ("killing two birds with one stone"... of course)

412 Rene Descarte walks into a bar. Bartender says, "have a beer?" Descarte says, "I think...not..." and disappears.

413 why did the mouse squeak? 'cos it needed oiling

414 What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Hellifino.

415 Q : Name 2 crustaceans A : King Crustacean & Charring Crustacean

416 a brain and a set of jump leads walk into a bar, "two pints of beer please barman" asks the brain "sorry guys can't serve you tonight" replies the barman "why not" asks the brain "because you're out your head and he's likly to start somthing"

417 I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

418 Two spiders were playing football in a saucer. One says to the other: "I'm getting really bored with this." The other says: "Don't worry, we're playing in the cup next week."

419 why can't you milk a mouse? 'cos you can't get a bucket under it

420 Inventions today: it's reported that a new kind of pillowcase has been invented, made out of cordurouy. It's making headlines.